Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize