I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I want to make a zoo with you.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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