Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
