I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
