I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
