Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
