Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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