My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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