she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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