Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
