Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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