I wish my penis had an off switch
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
