saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
