Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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