There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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