I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize