this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i think i have herpe
just one?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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