I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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