are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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