I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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