I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
