Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
