I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize