I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i think i have two assholes
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
