I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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