and next time when you feel me up, do it right
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
