he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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