He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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