She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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