it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
