I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
