there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
