i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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