I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
