I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
