I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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