So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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