hotel room ftw
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
