you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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