so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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