i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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