FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
