She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
