I think I am morally bankrupt
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
