im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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