So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
