you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
