I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize