no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
