OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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