I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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