Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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