The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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