Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
