I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
