Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
