update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
