Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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