I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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