I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
