Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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