It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I puked a lego.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
