k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
